Reprehensible
I found this quote just a little while ago and it simultaneously makes me furious and absolutely ill.
"The more self-esteem issues a guy has about himself and his physical appearance, the more attractive I find him. Probably because it makes him easy to manipulate."
--British pop star Lily Allen.
This type of female starts off by finding a nice guy who probably hasn't dated much due to his insecurities or just not having had the chance to meet a nice girl who accepts him as he is. The manipulative female begins by saying "I just want to be friends" or "I'm not interested in dating" but strings the guy along by being inappropriately affectionate and touchy feel-y and spending any free time with him. She knows he has a crush on her and will bask in his attention and do all she can to keep that attention. She will push the guy away if he tries to take some sort of initiative, by saying "I don't think we should do this" and "I don't think of you in that way." If the guy backs off, she then says "I miss your attention." Meanwhile the guy's friends are paralysed, not knowing if they should intervene and tell the guy what they are witnessing is completely wrong. They know the guy won't listen and will probably get horribly angry because nobody wants to hear negative things about a person they like. They take the chicken shit route and do nothing, not wanting to "make waves" or "rock the boat" and have to deal with the friend being angry at them. So the friends sit back and watch in disgust and anger; at the girl who would treat their friend this way, for their friend for being so needy that he won't see what she is doing to him and that he deserves better, and for themselves for not acting immediately to stop it.
Even if the nice guy eventually "wears down" the girl's resistance and she agrees to actually date him, the fact that they only reason she is dating him is because he "wore her down" is horrible. There is no romance, no love, no passion in being "worn down" to accept a guy. If she's aware that his friends aren't happy with what she's been doing, she will insist on keeping the relationship secret for a while; whereas if the nice guy had his way, he'd shout from the rooftops that he has a girlfriend. She creates a blanket of isolation around the guy, distancing him from his friends so she can control him even more. Even if they date for a while, this type of female will eventually get bored and move on to another nice guy, having turned a former nice guy bitter and angry when he finally realizes that he's been jerked around.
Posted by Marmy on February 1, 2007 09:20 PM
Comments
You know what? I think this could also happen the other way around, it could be a guy who is jerking around a girl and manipulating. I agree that it is horrible, but I think it could be both sides.
Posted by: Maria at February 2, 2007 01:33 PM
True. true. I just said "she" in this case because it was a woman who made the initial horrible statement and in the times I have witness this behaviour (at least 3 times), it has been a woman jerking the guy around.
Posted by: Marmy at February 2, 2007 01:40 PM
I've been the subject of a jerk-around. It does leave you feeling all pissed off. In the end you feel disgust and you want to give the girl a shake. "What the fuck is WRONG with you?!?"
Posted by: MichaEL Joyal at February 3, 2007 01:33 PM
When I was typing the bit about the girl creating a blanket of isolation around the guy, I thought of her blocking TBIT & my phone number from your phone.
You had a narrow escape there.
Posted by: Marmy at February 3, 2007 05:36 PM
That moment still haunts me to this day. I think that was the turning point where I realized "I gotta get outte here." I am so grateful you guys came to Edmonton, if only to help me escape.
Posted by: MichaEL Joyal at February 3, 2007 09:00 PM